Dear Daddies,
I am no expert by any means but over the course of the year I have learned quite a bit about the female brain AFTER she has a baby. What I am going to share with you may enlighten and/or scare the crap out of you-consider yourself warned.
1. Your wife/girlfriend/significant other was once desirable. Please make sure that she knows that she still is to you. The post-partum mommy feels like crap, thinks she looks like hell continuously, and hates the fact that she is constantly wearing spit-up, boogers, snot, or God-knows-what-else. She needs to know regularly that you still think she's that hot girl that you met at the bar. (She may not be but don't let her in on that-keep it yourself.). I'm not saying that you have to shower her with hearts and flowers daily but surprise her with a night out sans-baby, tell her your dirty thoughts (because let's face it, you are a guy and you have them), pretty much do something more than grab her boob occasionally.
2. She needs HELP! She may look like she has it all under control but she is about to fly apart at the hinges. Make dinner for her, pick up groceries and the dry cleaning, or heaven forbid, vacuum the house and dust a little. ANY little bit helps-small gestures speak volumes!
3. You have no idea the amount of "Mommy guilt" she has! While I understand that while your life was turned upside down with the arrival of Jr. please understand that she now has the weight of the universe-not just the world- on her shoulders. She wants time to herself more than just about anything but she feels that if she isn't spending all of her free time with the baby that she is the world's shittiest mom. She thinks that if she doesn't breastfeed or if she feeds her son Easy Mac instead of whole grain organic homemade quinoa goodness she is a failure. When she leaves for work in the morning she is focused on the fact that another person will be caring for her child for 8+ hours a day when she should be. It sucks-she will never tell you this but rather tuck her quivering lip away put her chin up and march on...because that's all that you can do.
4. She will be resentful of you regularly. You had a child together-we get it. But every time you pull out of the driveway to go golfing, have a boy's weekend, or take in a Cards game she will hang her head and think of all of the fabulously fun things that she is missing. She will imagine a day where she can carry a purse and browse for clothing without a small minion grabbing everything and anything off of the counters or she will reflect back on that vacation she took with the girls where they got pedis and laid around the pool. But alas, there are diapers to be changed, noses to be wiped, and laundry to be done-oh, and the damn dog wants out again!
Above all, please remember that becoming a mommy has been a HUGE shift for her life, as it was for yours. She understands that your life has changed but not in the same way that hers has. She has "tiger stripes", her boobs are a good two inches lower than they used to be, she is continuously exhausted, and at times wonders if it all worth it (which she totally knows that it is but doubt will creep into her head more than she will ever admit). She needs to be reminded that to you she is the sexiest, most beautiful creature that you have ever laid eyes on, even after you watched her push your ten pound child out of her kookah. That gorgeous woman needs help! And the goddess lying next to you needs a little time to herself...believe me, she will come back much more refreshed! As mentioned before, I may not be an expert but over the course of the last year I have went through all of these feelings over and over again and if I can help one new daddy learn what their wives are going through, I have succeeded.
You're Welcome...
